Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
