I just saw a hot homeless man
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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