we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
