Your tits are I can't wait for
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
