ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
