sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize