epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize