its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
