Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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