Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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