i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
