I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
