I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
