laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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