It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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