Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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