Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
