I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
