I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize