How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
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