i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
