oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
