Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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