dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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