apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
