After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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