His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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