Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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