oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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