Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
