apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
