Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
