Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you had me at cake vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
