Quick, to the slutcave!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
