Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
