is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
