The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
