She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
