what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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