went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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