im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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