***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
