in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
