Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize