last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
