final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i believe in u and ur pee
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