Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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