so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
