Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
