We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
