I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
