Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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