did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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