I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
