My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
