ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize