Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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