my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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