Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
