Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
