my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
