I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
