Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
