i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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