How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
