Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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