paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
