You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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