Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ate ashes out of my bong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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