i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
