I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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