You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
