You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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