Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
