we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
