ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
