I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
