Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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