I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
