I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
