Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
