what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
