I wish my penis had an off switch
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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