pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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