he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
