I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
