i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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