he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
