Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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