The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
