i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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