Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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