nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
