i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
