i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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