I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
