I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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