yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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