Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
