Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
