That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
