Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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