Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
