I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
