Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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