Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's blow job season.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
