i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
