Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize