I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
