I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
worst night to have a conscience
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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