I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Never joke about your clitoris.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
